Reader Question: HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S THE ONE?

I welcome all questions and ideas from my readers and I do vow to answer questions from my readers at least once or twice a month. Feel free to post questions or topics of interest in the comment section or email them to theblackbonanza@gmail.com. This month's question was "How Do You Know He's The One?" Basically, how do you know when you've met the man for you and you're in for the long haul, a forever kind of love, marriage.

Real Life

I think knowing when we've met the right man is much simpler for us as women than we truly think it is. Although each woman is unique with her own personality, likes, dislikes, and beliefs there are some core things to look for in a man once you've fallen in love and think he's your future husband. I'll take a page from Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man -book- (not the movie), but in my own words. If you haven't read it I suggest you do, especially if you're a single woman. I'd make sure all 3 P's are there, just as I noticed they were with my husband. What are the 3 P's? A sure fire way to know if a man honestly loves you and is serious about you because if he does and he's the one, he'll do all three of theses things:

• Profess:  He will not only tell you that he loves you and how he feels about you it will be known to those around him as well and you will have a "Title", you won't just be introduced by name as if you were a stranger or just as a friend. He will tell his family and friends about you, he'll have no qualms about letting other people know that you are his woman and he loves you, he'll be proud to voice his affections for you to the world.

• Provide:  This one is quite self explanatory any man who loves you won't be selfish with his coins or secretive about his money either. He'll be ready and willing to provide you with any financial help you need within his means and sometimes even beyond them if he can manage to do so. For example my husband before we were even engaged and had only been together for about four months took almost his entire income tax check and purchased a car for me because mine was unable to be fixed in anyway. Without thought he simply said "I'm going to buy you a car, don't worry about anything". Two days later I had a car, the money to transfer the tag and the insurance to it, I won't pretend to be glamorous it's a nice practical Toyota, but I appreciate it and him for getting it because I simply didn't have the funds. He looked like superman to me at that point.

• Protect: If he's the one he will protect you both physically and verbally against anyone and I do mean anyone who tries to harm, threaten you, or sully your name.

Beyond The 3 P's: Lola's Laws

Beyond the 3 P's there are four personal points that I looked for even in my own husband to let me know if he was "the one":

1. God: I believe in order to have a relationship with any man that will stand the test of time that man must have his own personal relationship with God. He may not be an angel, but whether he's Muslim, Jewish, Catholic etc he must have a connection with his creator, as should you as well. I would not even consider dating a man who is an atheist, satanist, or agnostic. Though none of us are perfect I believe spirituality and religion give us a certain moral compass and respect for values such as loyalty, trust, and honesty. Not to say that someone who believes in God can't be unfaithful in a relationship, but I do believe it helps more than it hurts for a person to have a sense of religion and spirituality.
2. A Man of His Word: What do I mean by "a man of his word"? If a man is "the one" he will follow through on whatever he tells you from big things to small things. For example if he tells you he's going to call you back he will, without excuse. If a man tells you he's taking you out on a date, he won't stand you up or carelessly cancel your plans together, he'll simply keep his word and you'll be able to trust him when he tells you things because he follows through, he keeps his word.
3. Mama Knows Best: Does he love his mother and treat her with respect? How a man treats his mother and the relationship he has with her is normally a precursor to the way he will treat you.
4. He Loves You More: As women we often find ourselves in relationships wherein we feel that we love someone more than they love us and that the amount of effort being put into the relationship mostly rests on our shoulders even though that's not how we'd want it. I know I've ended up there in the past, being in love alone, giving without much reciprocation besides a weightless "I love you". One day my father said to me (he calls me Christina), he said "Christina, when you get married be sure to marry a man who loves you more than you love him." ....I thought to myself that sounds ridiculous! Why would I want to marry a man who I don't deeply love? That's insane! Wrong...now that I am older, not the naive twenty-three year old I perfectly understand what my father was trying to teach me. Ladies, when you meet the man who is "the one" for you make no mistake you will love him with all of your heart, but yet and still somehow this man will manage to out-love you. No matter how much effort and care you put into the relationship and give him he will double it and you will never find yourself having a moment when you're wondering if he cares as much as you do because you will know that he does and that's "how you know he's the one".

"Don't just be black, be proud of it"~Lola C.

 

 

 

 

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