YAY OR NAY? SHACKING & EMPTY TITLES

Real Life

The slang definition of Shacking:

Shacking: a slang word meaning to move in or live with someone as a lover without being legally married.

Working in a male dominated field has allowed for some intriguing conversations about relationships amongst co-workers. Recently I was discussing with a group of about four of my male co-workers the pro and cons of co-habitation before marriage. It was an interesting debate, myself being the only woman and the only person who argued that it was not a good idea to live with someone before marriage, while all the men on the other hand felt that co-habitation prior to marriage was not only a positive thing, but should be a norm in today's society.  After moments of heated debate the men pulled in two additional co-workers both women in efforts to prove me wrong for being on the nay side of the argument. One woman was younger and agreed that co-habitation before marriage was ideal, she was on the yay side. An older woman agreed that shacking was possibly helpful, but only from and non-religious perspective, also stating that while it could be helpful she would still prefer to be married first.



The Yay Sayer Perspective: Why Premarital Co-habitation Is Positive
Though I'm against co-habitation prior to marriage I must be fair and present both sides of the argument, below are the points that my co-workers noted while debating on the yay side of shacking.

• Co-habitation allows you to know a person, to see how they conduct themselves daily before committing yourself to them for a lifetime.

• If the relationship is not working for a couple while living together they have more freedom to end the relationship.
• Some argue that co-habitation allows a couple to have the joys of marriage without the struggles of marriage because of a more carefree attitude and less pressure, due to the lack of  societal constraints and titles of husband and wife.

The Nay Sayer Perspective: Why Premarital Co-habitation Is Negative
To read the article where the quoted information below was taken from in it's entirety please refer to this link:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html

• The co-habitation effect: occurs when couples who live together "tend to be less satisfied with their marriages and are more likely to divorce than couples who do not.
• "Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that co-habitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce".
•  Shacking encourages "sliding not deciding", meaning that many couples who go from dating to living together say it just happened when asked how it occurred. They simply went from spending the night at their mates house to living at their mates house.
• Shacking depreciates the value of true commitment in a relationship by allowing a quick and easier exit than marriage whenever things aren't going according to plan.
• " Women are more likely to view cohabitation as a step toward marriage, while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or postpone commitment"
• "men and women do agree on, however, is that their standards for a live-in partner are lower than they are for a spouse." 

My Thoughts

I'm not judging anyone if they've decided to live together before marriage although I disagree with it; however I am making an observation that as we get evolve as an even more modern society we tend to do away with old values and ideals that would serve us well to keep. Just because something is seen as "old school" doesn't mean it no longer applies or is in your best interest, some rules can stand the test of time and I believe marrying before living together is one of them.

Living with someone increases your chances of having a child with that person and then not only will you be living with someone you're not married to you'll also be having a child out of wedlock, possibly with someone your relationship should have ended with a long time ago, but now you're stuck because you live together. I've known experiences where many women execute their wifely duties working, raising children, cooking, cleaning, etc.. while living as a girlfriend for years, acting as a wife, but not given the honor of having the same last name of the man she's with.

It seems there are more negative consequences than positives when it comes to premarital cohabitation. What works for one person may not work for the other but, as a married woman myself I can recall when my husband I were dating. I would cook from him -sparingly- and help him out around his house -sparingly-, but I made sure he knew I would not be spending nights at his house, doing his laundry, and cooking his meals on a regular basis. I jokingly, yet seriously let him know that he was getting a preview and in order to see the whole movie he would have to in the words of Beyonce' "put a ring on it". I allowed him to see that I would make a good and capable wife; however I would not act like a wife until I became a wife, nor did I allow him to call me his wife, prior to marriage...which brings me to another topic of Yay or Nay.

To Be Wifey or Not To Be Wifey? That Is The Question, Empty Titles

I'm an 80's baby and it's not uncommon while socializing or while on social networking websites to hear and see women refer to men who they are not married to as their husbands and men refer to women who they are not married or engaged to as their wives in this generation as well as younger generations. As a married person I find it to be an insult, not to myself, but to the constitution of marriage and how much it really means to be married and what it takes to have a healthy marriage. Many of the very same people who use husband and wife as pet names for each other would just as easily be here today and gone tomorrow if things became a bit rocky in their relationships. Now I'm not saying that if you're in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship with someone you aren't committed to them; however it doesn't hold a a candle to the commitment of marriage, which in today's society is taken lightly on many occasions.


Reader Questions

Do you think shacking up before marriage is a good idea or bad idea? Why or why not? Do you think it's ok to call someone your wife/husband if you're not married or engaged? Why or why not...What are your thoughts on these relationship topics?


Remember: "A man who finds a wife has found a good thing " ~Proverbs. Not a man who finds a girlfriend for life finds a good thing.

This Is A Stick Up! Drop The Pig!

Real Life

When my father was around he would talk to me about God, the Bible, spirituality etc.. He made it a point to note that we as children of God were never meant to eat meat, but rather meant to live on a vegetarian's diet. I thought about it and brushed it off because I figured well if we weren't originally created to eat meat then why does the Bible say we can? Confused, is what I was. Those were childhood conversations, but now as adult reading and studying the Bible for myself (The New King James Version predominantly, sometimes the Old Testament) I see that many of us make the fatal error of not being more cautious and strict about what goes into our bodies.

I think to myself God must be sitting up on a cloud in heaven looking down at me saying "didn't I tell her NOT to eat that?" as I've gone along ignorant to some things and knowing others. Recently while listening to a show I just happened to catch one very early Sunday morning called Amazing Facts: God's Health Plan, a pastor by the name of Doug Batchelor was educating the masses on the importance of knowing what foods were deemed clean foods and unclean foods by God, as well as why it's vital not to consume unclean foods. I was captivated and unbeknownst to me, a change instantly began to take place to catapult me even further into this life long journey of health and wellness. Now I'm no pastor or nutrition expert, but hey we all have to start somewhere and why not start with the basics? The simple list of foods God told us we could and couldn't eat. These are rules for health we can easily pick up the Bible and read for ourselves.

What Does The Bible Say?

Let's take a page from Genesis the first book of the Bible (NKJV). When man was -still- in the Garden of Eden:

• 1:29-30 '' ²⁹ Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.

• 2:15-17 "¹⁵ The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. ¹⁶ And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”     

As Pastor Batchelor pointed out in the video what we put in our bodies is gravely important to our spiritual health and our souls  because if we take a moment to think about it the entire history of man was changed by someone eating something which they had already been told by God not to eat. In the book of Genesis after Adam and Eve eat the fruit of the forbidden tree, :

• 3:17-19
  
   ¹⁷ To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
  “Cursed is the ground because of you;
      through painful toil you will eat food from it
      all the days of your life.
  ¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
      and you will eat the plants of the field.
  ¹⁹ By the sweat of your brow
      you will eat your food
  until you return to the ground,
      since from it you were taken;
  for dust you are
      and to dust you will return.”

*Note that although animals were already created by God at this point and man was given dominion over all things on the Earth that God had created, mention of man eating animals was not made at this point, while man was still in the Garden of Eden. I have yet to read anywhere in the Bible that we are not allowed to eat animals; however if you read for yourself one can draw an understanding that it was not originally intended for us to include any meat in our diets until after man was cast out of the Garden of Eden and even then it seemed something that was more so tolerated rather than promoted in the Bible. In Leviticus: The 3rd Book of Moses we get a detailed list of clean and unclean foods that include animals as a food source. 

 Pastor Doug Batchelor: God's Health Plan, from Amazing Facts

Clean and Unclean Foods Simplified

Reading the Bible in regards to unclean foods and clean foods there are some things that stand out and are easily understood for example, we are not permitted to eat pigs, we are not permitted to eat the fat of any animal, or for all who like to eat meat cooked rare, blood is not permitted to be eaten. However; it is news to me that things I love like crab, shrimp, and calamari are in a biblical sense unclean foods. Eating crab, lobster, shrimp etc is in short eating the roaches of the sea because they are bottom feeders. As far as fish are concerned any fish we eat must have -both- scales and fins.

Here is a simplified list of some clean foods and unclean foods that I've located on the web from The United Church of God's website:

Clean Animals
Mammals That Chew the Cud and Part the Hoof Antelope Bison (buffalo) Caribou Cattle (beef, veal) Deer (venison) Elk Gazelle Giraffe Goat Hart Ibex Moose Ox Reindeer Sheep (lamb, mutton)	Fish With Fins and Scales Anchovy Barracuda Bass Black pomfret (or monchong) Bluefish Bluegill Carp Cod Crappie Drum Flounder Grouper Grunt Haddock Hake Halibut Hardhead Herring (or alewife) Kingfish Mackerel(or corbia) Mahimahi (or dorado, dolphinfish[not to be confused with the mammal dolphin])	Minnow Mullet Perch (or bream) Pike (or pickerel or jack) Pollack (or pollock or Boston bluefish) Rockfish Salmon Sardine (or pilchard) Shad Silver hake (or whiting) Smelt (or frost fish or ice fish) Snapper (or ebu, jobfish, lehi, onaga, opakapaka or uku) Sole Steelhead Sucker Sunfish Tarpon Trout (or weakfish) Tuna (or ahi, aku, albacore, bonito or tombo) Turbot (except European turbot) Whitefish	Birds With Clean Characteristics Chicken Dove Duck Goose Grouse Guinea fowl Partridge Peafowl Pheasant Pigeon Prairie chicken Ptarmigan Quail Sagehen Sparrow (and other songbirds) Swan* Teal Turkey Insects Types of locusts that may include crickets and grasshoppers

* In the King James Version, Leviticus 11:18
and Deuteronomy 14:16
list "swan" among unclean birds. However, this seems to be a mistranslation. The original word apparently refers to a kind of owl and is so translated in most modern Bible versions.

Unclean Animals
Animals With Unclean Characteristics Swine Boar Peccary Pig (hog, bacon, ham, lard, pork, most sausage and pepperoni) Canines Coyote Dog Fox Hyena Jackal Wolf Felines Cat Cheetah Leopard Lion Panther Tiger Equines Donkey (ass) Horse Mule Onager Zebra (quagga) Other Armadillo Badger Bat Bear Beaver Camel Elephant Gorilla	Groundhog Hippopotamus Kangaroo Llama (alpaca, vicuña) Mole Monkey Mouse Muskrat Opossum Porcupine Rabbit (hare) Raccoon Rat Rhinoceros Skunk Slug Snail (escargot) Squirrel Wallaby Weasel Wolverine Worm All insects except some in the locust family Marine Animals Without Fins and Scales Fish Bullhead Catfish Eel European Turbot Marlin Paddlefish Shark Stickleback Squid Sturgeon (includes most caviar) Swordfish	Shellfish Abalone Clam Conch Crab Crayfish (crawfish, crawdad) Lobster Mussel Oyster Scallop Shrimp (prawn) Soft body Cuttlefish Jellyfish Limpet Octopus Squid (calamari) Sea mammals Dolphin Otter Porpoise Seal Walrus Whale Birds of Prey, Scavengers and Others Albatross Bittern Buzzard Condor Coot Cormorant Crane Crow Cuckoo Eagle Flamingo	Grebe Grosbeak Gull Hawk Heron Kite Lapwing Loon Magpie Osprey Ostrich Owl Parrot Pelican Penguin Plover Rail Raven Roadrunner Sandpiper Seagull Stork Swallow Swift Vulture Water hen Woodpecker Reptiles Alligator Caiman Crocodile Lizard Snake Turtle Amphibians Blindworm Frog Newt Salamander Toad

Biblical Clean and Unclean Foods: Leviticus 11

Pork, unclean food

11 The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, ² “Say to the Israelites: ‘Of all the animals that live on land, these are the ones you may eat: ³ You may eat any animal that has a divided hoof and that chews the cud.

⁴ “‘There are some that only chew the cud or only have a divided hoof, but you must not eat them. The camel, though it chews the cud, does not have a divided hoof; it is ceremonially unclean for you. ⁵ The hyrax, though it chews the cud, does not have a divided hoof; it is unclean for you. ⁶ The rabbit, though it chews the cud, does not have a divided hoof; it is unclean for you. ⁷ And the pig, though it has a divided hoof, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. ⁸ You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.

Lobster, unclean food

⁹ “‘Of all the creatures living in the water of the seas and the streams you may eat any that have fins and scales. ¹⁰ But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to regard as unclean. ¹¹ And since you are to regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat; you must regard their carcasses as unclean. ¹² Anything living in the water that does not have fins and scales is to be regarded as unclean by you.
¹³ “‘These are the birds you are to regard as unclean and not eat because they are unclean: the eagle,^[a] the vulture, the black vulture, ¹⁴ the red kite, any kind of black kite, ¹⁵ any kind of raven, ¹⁶ the horned owl, the screech owl, the gull, any kind of hawk, ¹⁷ the little owl, the cormorant, the great owl, ¹⁸ the white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, ¹⁹ the stork, any kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat.

Goat, clean food

²⁰ “‘All flying insects that walk on all fours are to be regarded as unclean by you. ²¹ There are, however, some flying insects that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. ²² Of these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper. ²³ But all other flying insects that have four legs you are to regard as unclean.
²⁴ “‘You will make yourselves unclean by these; whoever touches their carcasses will be unclean till evening. ²⁵ Whoever picks up one of their carcasses must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till evening.
²⁶ “‘Every animal that does not have a divided hoof or that does not chew the cud is unclean for you; whoever touches the carcass of any of them will be unclean. ²⁷ Of all the animals that walk on all fours, those that walk on their paws are unclean for you; whoever touches their carcasses will be unclean till evening. ²⁸ Anyone who picks up their carcasses must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till evening. These animals are unclean for you.

Flounder fish, clean food

²⁹ “‘Of the animals that move along the ground, these are unclean for you: the weasel, the rat, any kind of great lizard, ³⁰ the gecko, the monitor lizard, the wall lizard, the skink and the chameleon. ³¹ Of all those that move along the ground, these are unclean for you. Whoever touches them when they are dead will be unclean till evening. ³² When one of them dies and falls on something, that article, whatever its use, will be unclean, whether it is made of wood, cloth, hide or sackcloth. Put it in water; it will be unclean till evening, and then it will be clean. ³³ If one of them falls into a clay pot, everything in it will be unclean, and you must break the pot. ³⁴ Any food you are allowed to eat that has come into contact with water from any such pot is unclean, and any liquid that is drunk from such a pot is unclean. ³⁵ Anything that one of their carcasses falls on becomes unclean; an oven or cooking pot must be broken up. They are unclean, and you are to regard them as unclean. ³⁶ A spring, however, or a cistern for collecting water remains clean, but anyone who touches one of these carcasses is unclean. ³⁷ If a carcass falls on any seeds that are to be planted, they remain clean. ³⁸ But if water has been put on the seed and a carcass falls on it, it is unclean for you.

Shrimp, unclean food

³⁹ “‘If an animal that you are allowed to eat dies, anyone who touches its carcass will be unclean till evening. ⁴⁰ Anyone who eats some of its carcass must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till evening. Anyone who picks up the carcass must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till evening.
⁴¹ “‘Every creature that moves along the ground is to be regarded as unclean; it is not to be eaten. ⁴² You are not to eat any creature that moves along the ground, whether it moves on its belly or walks on all fours or on many feet; it is unclean. ⁴³ Do not defile yourselves by any of these creatures. Do not make yourselves unclean by means of them or be made unclean by them. ⁴⁴ I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves along the ground. ⁴⁵ I am the Lord, who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy.

Quail, clean food

⁴⁶ “‘These are the regulations concerning animals, birds, every living thing that moves about in the water and every creature that moves along the ground. ⁴⁷ You must distinguish between the unclean and the clean, between living creatures that may be eaten and those that may not be eaten.’”

 

 Why Is It Crucial To Only Eat Clean Foods?

From a spiritual and logical perspective the answer is simply that God created us. He knows what is best for our bodies because he made our bodies. I also give much attention to the fact that in the Bible what we are allowed to eat and not allowed to eat was very clearly listed. If God took the time out to tell people item by item what we should consume then you must know it has some serious signifigance, not to mention the poor health of many Americans.

We struggle with obesity, diabetes, infertility, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure...cancers and diseases etc. I agree with Pastor D. Batchelor when he says that many of the health issues we face are due to not doing what we were told do by God. If more of us followed his instructions then less of us would have problems all the way down to minor health issues like joint pain and chronic migraines. I don't know about you, but I'm putting down the pig as well as a host of other foods in the name of health and obeying my father, God.

Reader Questions

Have you recently made any lifestyle changes for better health? What are those changes and what prompted you to make them? Do you feel that eating foods that are prohibited in the Bible isn't really a big deal? And why? Do you have any health tips you'd like to give? Please, give any thoughts and opinions on the topic you may have.


Remember: "Don't just be black, be proud of it"~Lola C.

Post Presidential Debate: Random Rant, Let's Not Forget This

Real Life Rant

Recently after tuning into the Presidential debate between President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney I noticed many news stations skirting away from the issues in efforts to sully the President's name and divert attention away from Mitt Romney's statements of contradictory politics. The topic of discussion on many shows was the issue of President Obama "talking black" in some older footage from his campaign in 2007 while addressing an audience and in summary alluding to the fact that the victims of hurricane Katrina in New Orleans did not receive proper help from the government because of the population being predominately black.  Which I do agree with the President's statements from 2007 as a matter of fact and not opinion. The aim of the Republican party may have been to divert attention from the many negatives of Mitt Romney by making President Obama seem racist; however they failed. All that was accomplished was bringing back painful memories of what happened to black people (American citizens) during and after hurricane Katrina.

The government and former President Bush were slow to react to the devastation that was caused, not only was the reaction slow it was insufficient and reeked of the deep rooted racism that still exist here in America. Tsunami victims in another country received American government aid faster than American citizens here on American soil. Black American citizens who were trying to flee Louisiana into Texas due to the devastation of Hurricane Katrina were referred to as "refugees" by newspapers, news stations  and finned off by police in riot gear, as well as beaten, and shot at as was reported by some news stations willing to tell the ugly truth of the situation. The victims of hurricane Katrina were criminalized and demonized, barely shown an ounce of respect. Not only were black Americans treated as refugees and called refugees as if from a foreign land they were also left for dead in the flood waters of Katrina while some organizations paddled around on boats rescuing dogs, cats, and cows. That was the day America taught me that the life of an animal was more valuable than the life of a black person. If you would like to view some footage of the 2007 speech from President Obama please utilize the link:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/10/02/video-surfaces-obama-in-2007-suggesting-racism-slowed-aid-to-post-katrina-new/

Reader Questions
What were your thoughts on the Presidential debate?

"Remember don't just be black, be proud of it"~Lola C.

Reader Question: HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S THE ONE?

I welcome all questions and ideas from my readers and I do vow to answer questions from my readers at least once or twice a month. Feel free to post questions or topics of interest in the comment section or email them to theblackbonanza@gmail.com. This month's question was "How Do You Know He's The One?" Basically, how do you know when you've met the man for you and you're in for the long haul, a forever kind of love, marriage.

Real Life

I think knowing when we've met the right man is much simpler for us as women than we truly think it is. Although each woman is unique with her own personality, likes, dislikes, and beliefs there are some core things to look for in a man once you've fallen in love and think he's your future husband. I'll take a page from Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man -book- (not the movie), but in my own words. If you haven't read it I suggest you do, especially if you're a single woman. I'd make sure all 3 P's are there, just as I noticed they were with my husband. What are the 3 P's? A sure fire way to know if a man honestly loves you and is serious about you because if he does and he's the one, he'll do all three of theses things:

• Profess:  He will not only tell you that he loves you and how he feels about you it will be known to those around him as well and you will have a "Title", you won't just be introduced by name as if you were a stranger or just as a friend. He will tell his family and friends about you, he'll have no qualms about letting other people know that you are his woman and he loves you, he'll be proud to voice his affections for you to the world.

• Provide:  This one is quite self explanatory any man who loves you won't be selfish with his coins or secretive about his money either. He'll be ready and willing to provide you with any financial help you need within his means and sometimes even beyond them if he can manage to do so. For example my husband before we were even engaged and had only been together for about four months took almost his entire income tax check and purchased a car for me because mine was unable to be fixed in anyway. Without thought he simply said "I'm going to buy you a car, don't worry about anything". Two days later I had a car, the money to transfer the tag and the insurance to it, I won't pretend to be glamorous it's a nice practical Toyota, but I appreciate it and him for getting it because I simply didn't have the funds. He looked like superman to me at that point.

• Protect: If he's the one he will protect you both physically and verbally against anyone and I do mean anyone who tries to harm, threaten you, or sully your name.

Beyond The 3 P's: Lola's Laws

Beyond the 3 P's there are four personal points that I looked for even in my own husband to let me know if he was "the one":

1. God: I believe in order to have a relationship with any man that will stand the test of time that man must have his own personal relationship with God. He may not be an angel, but whether he's Muslim, Jewish, Catholic etc he must have a connection with his creator, as should you as well. I would not even consider dating a man who is an atheist, satanist, or agnostic. Though none of us are perfect I believe spirituality and religion give us a certain moral compass and respect for values such as loyalty, trust, and honesty. Not to say that someone who believes in God can't be unfaithful in a relationship, but I do believe it helps more than it hurts for a person to have a sense of religion and spirituality.
2. A Man of His Word: What do I mean by "a man of his word"? If a man is "the one" he will follow through on whatever he tells you from big things to small things. For example if he tells you he's going to call you back he will, without excuse. If a man tells you he's taking you out on a date, he won't stand you up or carelessly cancel your plans together, he'll simply keep his word and you'll be able to trust him when he tells you things because he follows through, he keeps his word.
3. Mama Knows Best: Does he love his mother and treat her with respect? How a man treats his mother and the relationship he has with her is normally a precursor to the way he will treat you.
4. He Loves You More: As women we often find ourselves in relationships wherein we feel that we love someone more than they love us and that the amount of effort being put into the relationship mostly rests on our shoulders even though that's not how we'd want it. I know I've ended up there in the past, being in love alone, giving without much reciprocation besides a weightless "I love you". One day my father said to me (he calls me Christina), he said "Christina, when you get married be sure to marry a man who loves you more than you love him." ....I thought to myself that sounds ridiculous! Why would I want to marry a man who I don't deeply love? That's insane! Wrong...now that I am older, not the naive twenty-three year old I perfectly understand what my father was trying to teach me. Ladies, when you meet the man who is "the one" for you make no mistake you will love him with all of your heart, but yet and still somehow this man will manage to out-love you. No matter how much effort and care you put into the relationship and give him he will double it and you will never find yourself having a moment when you're wondering if he cares as much as you do because you will know that he does and that's "how you know he's the one".

"Don't just be black, be proud of it"~Lola C.

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the graphics within this blog

HE LOVES ME NOT

Real Life

Following up on my last entry "Black Women: Ugly to the Bone" on Dr. Kanazawa's research about black women being genetically inferior when it comes to physical attraction I couldn't help, but wonder how far these negative presumptions about black women spanned. Much to my disdain I didn't have to look far for these negative connotations of black women, in fact I only needed to look at my own counterparts, black men. I rummaged through video after video on YouTube posted by black male vloggers ranting of their hatred for the black woman. One comment made by a vlogger whose web handle I can't recall stated that "the world views black women as confused whores".  Here's one example out of the many negative videos about black women from black men: (warning: there is adult content and some explicit language in this video)

Test of  Truth

I decided to run a quick and small experiment about the public's opinions on black women using the world wide web. I utilized Google by typing a simple phrase in the search box of Google's homepage. The phrase was "black women are..." and I allowed Google to show me suggestions according to what other people had already searched about black women beginning with the phrase "black women are.." and just to have something to compare my results with I also typed in "white women are..." to see if the results would be similar or completely different and here's what I've learned about how the world views black women:

 (These are  snapshot  reflections of what people search on Google and by no means a reflection on Google itself)

 Test Results

My rapid fire small experiment has shown that the public opinion of black women is that we are: 

• easy
• crazy    
• gross
• mean

While in comparison white women are viewed as:

• beautiful
• easy
• overrated
• the best  

Note: Notice that as it concerns black women there is not a single positive adjective that can be seen to describe them while in contrast white women have a few positive things searched about them.   

Fueling The Fire

 

What or who is responsible for the negative connotations of black women? Is it the media and entertainment that is affecting not only the way the world views us, but most importantly the way our black men view us? I.e. guilty pleasure shows like Basket Ball Wives where black women are portraying themselves as loud, promiscuous, and violent? Or is it the negatively misleading statistics about black women, i.e.: black women never getting married, being less desirable, having children out of wedlock at alarming rates...These are all statistics that try to show why black women are so unworthy and unwanted, but do you really believe everything you hear or see? I challenge my readers to look into these statistics and find out how the research was conducted and just how fair the damning of black women through statistical data and scientific study "truly" is.

Check out this link to gain some insight:  http://elegantblackwoman.blogspot.com/2011/03/misleading-statistics-about-black-women.html

Black Women Crucified

I've heard black men say time and time again whether on YouTube, radio, or TV that black women have "bad attitudes", "black women are angry", or "black women are too ghetto". I look around at the black women I've known in my life and wonder why is it that a few bad apples spoil the bunch -only- when it comes to black women. Black women are constantly crucified as if we're the only ones who are ever angry, overweight, on welfare, do any wrong, and then not only are we the only ones it's not just some of us these stereotypes are generalized about all black women. To add insult to injury we not only have to deal with the infliction of this pain from the world, but the very ones we expect to defend and protect us turn around and dismiss, belittle, and degrade us too.

Negative affects of black men publicly bashing black women:

• It shows the world that black people do not have a leader
• It's shows the world that there is no solidarity within the black race
• This teaches younger generations of blacks to devalue themselves
• It causes black women to feel insecure and unworthy of love
• It demonstrates the lack of self love, consequently leading to the destruction of functional black families.

Below is a short video trailer titled Why We Hate Black Women. I suggest watching it -fully- because it is a compilation of many short clips and if you should attempt to skip over sections you'll most likely miss the most intriguing moments in the video. It directly sums up what this topic is about without any sugarcoating the issue

 A Glance at Interracial Dating and Black Men

The popular opinion on black women's stance as it concerns interracial dating seems to be that black women are angry at white women for stealing our men. Tut-tut my little nuts, I beg to differ. I believe what angers black women about interracial dating is not the white women at all it's the black men and what they say about black women. Here are some points about what angers some black women about black men dating outside their race:

• From personal experience I can say that each time I've spoken to or listened to conversations about black men dating outside their race the reason is never solely because they love the woman they're with regardless of color. The reason they're with the woman of another races is always coupled with negative statements about black women, it's never "I with this woman because I love her" it's more of  I love this woman because I hate black women and can't deal with them; therefore I quit black women. That doesn't sit well with black women for obvious reasons.
• Secondly, in many instances black men will settle for less or should I say change their level of standards when it comes to dating a woman outside of their race. I'll utilize my husbands friend who shall be called John for example out of respect for his privacy...when John is interested in a black woman she has to be absolutely perfect from head to toe, physically, mentally, just perfect no flaw is acceptable which lead him to break up with black women consistently; however when it comes to a white woman she can be unattractive, uneducated, and unclean as long as she's not black it's acceptable because John is just so proud to have a chance with any white woman that she is incapable of having a flaw, she is perfection in his eyes.
• Lastly, what pinches the nerve of some black women where it concerns interracial dating is that as we can witness in the media and entertainment many black men seem to unconsciously feel that once you reach a certain level of accomplishment a black woman is no longer good enough and in order to know that he is a worthy man he must have as the Google search indicated "the best" woman, which in our society is projected as the white woman. It feels unfair to black women that they can be there for you to love you when you're a commoner, but not be your queen when you're royalty.

Check out a little of what Malcolm X had to say about black men as it relates to interracial relations near the end of the video below:

 

My Thoughts

 While I understand that the world in general has negative ideas about black people and even more so black women, it concerns me far more that black men would take the time out to dedicate YouTube channels and blogs solely to their hatred of black women. Are we not your daughters, mothers, sisters, and lovers? Are we not the same women made from your rib? If we come out of you and you are birthed through us then to hate us is to hate yourself black man. To see us as less then worthy is to see yourself as unworthy. We  cannot continue to progress if we don't love each other and create strong marriages and families. My hope is that we'll have a lot more black on black love and less separation merely because we feel our own counterparts aren't worth trying with or trying for. I would like to ask those black men who are doing these things to stop stepping over and on your black women, lift them up.  Nobody respects a man who doesn't protect his own.

Questions For Readers
Black men do you love black women, why or why not? Do you feel that black women are negatively viewed by black men and society? If yes or no, why? Why do you think there's a divide between black men and black women? Please share any of your thoughts and feelings below.

Recommendations: I'll be purchasing and doing a review of Hasani Pettford's book "Why We Hate Black Women: And Why We Should Love Them", so you may want to purchase it, borrow it, or check it out at your local library if it's available. I can't wait to get my hands on this book.

"Don't just be black, be proud of it"~Lola C.
disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of the graphic media used within this blog.

BLACK WOMEN: UGLY TO THE BONE

Real Life

We've all heard the old adage that "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone". Well, according to blogger and doctor, Satoshi Kanazawa black women are just ugly, but wait don't jump the gun in anger just yet. Kanazawa has done his research to prove this tidbit of sad truth about "science". Psychology Today ran an article by Kanazawa  in 2011 titled "A Look at the Hard Truths About Human Nature: Why are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?" (Oh no he di-int', in my Sheneneh voice). You can read Kanazawa's "research" here: https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:73-ha14VqBAJ:thesciencebitdotnet.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/kanazawa-text.pdf+Dr.+Satoshi+Kanazawa+piece:+%E2%80%9CWhy+Are+Black+Women+Less+Physically+Attractive+Than+Other+Women?%E2%80%9D&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESj87humruQySHxNkRRAN_2924Z8sfAhmTjKSIVfiBG9uCCCqJvbSgyLMLkmgXRyJJGgJ6sAmS_z974q7b49iuOFbkIm_eyb5qRditm6QoksRJI2mUOVrae27iaTFXX4n_-XzpN6&sig=AHIEtbS_eKL4NRGTV4RhUP3uZDMoqVPyHw

Satoshi Kanazawa's Research Findings 

• "...even though black women are objectively less physically attractive than other women, black woman (and men) subjectively consider themselves to be far more physically attractive than others...both black women and black men rate themselves to be far more physically attractive than other races."
• "What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than non-black women."

• " Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races...women with higher testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less  physically attractive.." 

The Bottom Line: So What Is Kanazawa Really Saying?

1. Black people are arrogant, both black men and women although they are ugly see themselves as attractive.
2. Black women are ugly because we're all fat.
3. Black women have an increased level of the male hormone; therefore we look like men.
4. If you read the research in full you'll see that Kanazawa basically states that because black people are the first people of the Earth black women are the ugliest because we have the oldest genes.

Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil

I read this "research" and saw it as nothing more than hate speech wrapped up in a pretty box with a bow-tie on it and then called science. It stinks of racism, stereotypes, idiocy, and the racial bullying of the black woman. For a long time now I've known within our society that the black woman is ranked at the bottom of the totem pole of people and women. Black women are usually typecast as uneducated, angry, loose, domineering, loud, fat, violent, and lazy in the media and entertainment world. Which in turn spills over to peoples real life perceptions of black women.

The Paradox of Physical Attractiveness for Black Women

How is it possible that black women can be "objectively" seen as physically less attractive when our physiological features are more sought after than women of any other race?I.e. (Full lips, ample bottom, darker skin, hair styles etc). According to The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery Caucasians make up 81% of  the population who are getting procedures, while all other races only make up 19%, with black people at 6% for cosmetic procedures.

 Why?

Why is it that African features are attractive on other women, but when black women exhibit their own features it's no longer attractive? There's a paradox here (I.e. Jennifer Lopez's famous bottom, actress Bo Dereks famous cornrow hairstyle, Kim Kardashian's famous bottom and dark features, tanned skin...etc.)

• When a black woman has curves and a body, she's fat and overweight.
• When a black women wears an Afrocentric hairstyle, in the words of Don Imus (when he refered to some women basketball players) she's a "nappy headed hoe", but when women of other races do it they look exotic and have a bohemian style. Seriously?
• When black women have beautiful sun kissed skin and dark features, they're considered too black and ugly. (I.e. Howard Stern talking about "Precious" star Gaborie Sidbie: “There’s the most enormous, fat black chick I’ve ever seen. She is enormous. Everyone’s pretending she’s a part of show business and she’s never going to be in another movie. She should have gotten the Best Actress award because she’s never going to have another shot. What movie is she gonna be in.”) 
• Our hair styles are gorgeous, just not on us. Our voluptuous bodies are feminine, just not on us, dark skin is beautiful, just not on us. Everything about a black woman is beautiful as long as it's not a black woman. Right?

Sports Star Serena Williams

Reality Star Kim Kardashian

Singer Ciara

(Bottom Right Actress: Bo Derek)  Some pictures to demonstrate the styles of hair, skin, and body types that have been referenced as exceptionally beautiful on women of other races, but unattractive or unworthy of notability on black women..

A differing opinion on Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa's research topic "Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women"

My Thoughts...
The research that Kanazawa has conducted is flawed at best and hasn't a stub to stand on. This sounds like an easy way to slip in modern racism and the even bigger disappointment here is that Psychology Today actually allowed this to be published and then tried to explain it away, then apologize for it all before removing the article completely. This shouldn't even be a topic of discussion, much less a topic of educated discussion. I find black women to be beautiful and as Kanazawa himself said we are the first people, meaning to call us unattractive is to call your mother ugly, civilization was birthed from a black woman's womb, poetically speaking and scientifically speaking.

Questions For Readers
Do you feel there's any validity to Dr. Kanazawa's research? Do you think black women are unattractive or less attractive and why? Can this be considered a form of scientific/genetic racism? What are your thoughts about this topic?
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the photos or videos you see on my blog

Remember: "Don't just be black, be proud of it"~Lola C.

Excuse me, but Your Negro Is Showing: The Tale of the Negro Who Didn’t Know

Excuse me, but Your Negro Is Showing: The Tale of the Negro Who Didn’t Know

Black Person Defined

A person with dark skin who comes from Africa (or whose ancestors came from Africa). Source: wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Note to readers: For the propose of this blog entry “black person” is referencing the American societal categorization of a black people, no matter the ethnicity or nationality of origin based on visible physical features of African descent. In short the way American society views a persons physical characteristics as opposed to what the person identifies his/herself as.

(I.e.: On a job application in the race/ethnicity section you may be asked if you are –white, not of Hispanic origin, -white of Hispanic origin, -black of Hispanic origin, -black not of Hispanic origin, and so on.)  Simply because they want to know if you are Hispanic, which one are you black or white? Although all job applications will not ask race/ethnicity questions in the exact manner given in the example, many do.

Real Life Experience

I can recall a time when I was the Historian of the Black Student Union as a college sophomore. Doing my duties I went about campus to recruit members, but I didn’t get far before my excitement was stifled by a confused Negro. I say this not to call names and belittle the brother who was a black Hispanic, but as a means to describe my encounter with his state of mind. The conversation went something like…

Me: “Hi, I’m Lola would you like to be apart of the Black Student Union? We’re having an interest meeting today”

-Confused Negro: “No! (He makes a face of disgust) Why would you ask me that? I’m not black.”

Me: “But…yes, you are (my confusion showing on my face)”

-Confused Negro: “No, I’m not! I'm Puerto Rican! (he’s angry with me at this point) ”

Me: “OK, well thank for your time …bye??

The type of face the confused man made when I called him black. "I'm, not black."

Another instance I recollect a classmate of my Children and TV course getting into a heated debate about her beloved boyfriend when topics of race and ethnicity came up. She proudly declared that her boyfriend was not black, but Dominican. Needless to say she was dismayed to find out that the man she loved was absolutely, unequivocally black. To give a visualization of the man he was the hue of actor Wesley Snipes as well as having Negroid features such as a wider nose and coarse hair. Nothing about him said anything else other than black, which is fine; however his being from a Spanish speaking country had the young lady in denial about what was right in front her face on a daily basis.

Actor Wesley Snipes

 Media and Entertainment

There are black celebrities who are of Hispanic ethnicity; however while they wear their ethnicity with pride they continue to wear their race with pride as well. For example La La Anthony, TV personality and wife of NBA star Carmelo Anthony. She is a proud Latina, but will also proudly state that she is a black woman as well. Actress Rosario Dawson will also claim her black heritage and state in interviews that she is of Afro-Puerto Rican and Afro-Cuban descent as she did in Latina magazine. Then we have others who are obviously black by race although Hispanic by culture and ethnicity who all, but flat out deny being black. For example I was reading an interview in a popular black magazine, I think it was Essence. The star interviewee was Zoe Saldana who is a black Dominican and Puerto Rican actress. The interviewer made sure to note that as she was obviously about to inquire about race the actress (Zoe) quickly changed the topic, clearly not wanting to discuss it. The interviewer showed annoyance at Saldana's elusiveness about being a black Hispanic.

In “Latina” magazine Rosario Dawson noted her obvious black heritage once again Zoe Saldana made no mention of her race being black or any African heritage. By no means is this a personal attack on the beautiful Zoe. I loved her movie Columbiana, but it is a good example of something that can be witnessed time and time again in black culture. Not to mention that many black people have supported Zoe’s movies where she portrayed black characters i.e. The daughter of Bernie Mac in the Movie “Guess Who”, and Nick Cannons love interest in the movie “Drumline”. Why play a black character, enjoy black support and then fail to claim the same people who are your supporters? Is it OK to only be black when convenient for some celebrities?

Some lovely ladies from all Diasporas of Hispanic culture featured in Latina magazine including La La Anthony, Rosario Dawson, and Zoe Saldana

Why Does It Matter?

One might question “why should anyone care about who claims the black race?” It’s wonderful to embrace your culture and ethnicity with open arms rather you’re American, Haitian, or Cuban etc, but we must embrace all of ourselves, not just portions and pieces. You can be black and proud without feeling the need to hide under the guise of what society deems more acceptable. Denying our visible African ancestry not only eats away at the fabric of self love, but it inhibits others from gaining knowledge and love for those very same aspects of ourselves which we may deny to the public. In short if you don’t love the black in you, neither will anyone else. It starts with us.

While ethnicity may vary, race is not something one can just readily choose or opt in and out of at convenience (in American society). You simply are who you are. Nothing to argue, nothing to fight, it simply is.

Cuban women

What I Had To Learn

A friend made an excellent observation she basically reminded me that historically in many other places in the world as well in America some black people “still have an internal struggle”. The word black is automatically seen as offensive and insulting; even among people who are obviously black themselves. I call it an inferiority complex, some of us are still ashamed to admit to being who we are and take offense to an outsider who sees us for exactly who we are. We’ve had a long history of racial struggles in the world and are still having some, so the psychology behind the negative association with being a black person is understandable, but not excusable.  

                                                                                   Solution

Black Chinese

Let’s catch up together and show each other that though out of many nations we can still have unity, but in order to do that I realize we all need to take more time to educate ourselves about our brothers and sisters in other nations and their history. For example the black Chinese, black Mexicans, Haitians, etc. Just because you’re a black American doesn’t mean you should be free of understanding the struggles and history of black people in other countries and vice verse. It’s our duty to each other, so let’s learn together and teach each other

(Note: Research the black Chinese dynasty Xia Shang Zhou BC time period)

Questions for the Readers

Have you had any similar experiences with black people of varying ethnicity's denying their race? What do you feel is a solution to create more self love within the black race as a whole? If you are Hispanic and have been considered black, did it upset you and why? Your feedback is much appreciated and respected. Please no cursing in comments lets all respect each other.

(Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to these graphics on this blog)

 Remember: “Don’t just be black, be proud of it”~Lola C.